After yesterday, I felt like I'd finally found the meditation holy grail! Although I wasn't oozing with compassion, I did realize that I took more time to communicate with others about their thoughts and feelings. Furthermore, my day was filled with rushing from meetings to a medical appointment and back to a meeting. Although I was always on the cusp of being late, I was able to stop, reflect, and remember that my needs are not isolated from those of others. Although traffic is frustrating and I hate being late, I was able to consciously reframe the situation: perhaps if I'd been a few moments earlier, I'd be in the accident causing the traffic delay; or perhaps, there was a song on the radio I was meant to hear to brighten my spirits (the Temptations' version of Silent Night did come on). I'd say I'm at least a few steps closer to being compassionate.
So today, I knew I needed an affirmation to calm my nerves. You see, today (sort of impulsively), I was scheduled to get LASIK eye surgery. Although it's not considered a "major surgery," I was nervous. On top of that, I had a morning at work full of tying up loose ends before the start of holiday vacation. So today's affirmation was intended to keep my anxiety at bay:
"I vow to let go of all worries and anxiety in order to be light and free" -Thich Nhat Hahn
Following the same protocol as yesterday, I meditated on that affirmation for today. Through my morning obligations, I was totally fine. But admittedly, when I walked into the surgeon's office for the appointment, all control of my anxiety flew out the window: my heart started racing, my breathing got heavy, and I started to get overwhelmed. But almost unexpectedly, my affirmation began to pop up in my head and I was reminded that I am capable of being in control!
I simply revisited my knowledge of controlled breathing, reflected on my affirmation for a few cycles, and now here I am--only a few hours post surgery--completely at peace. Today, I am grateful to have my meditation practice. But now, I'm headed to sleep. These eyes need some rest.